Anger - Friend or Foe? Disempowered to Empowered

 You feel it - that unsettled and angry feeling — the WTF 🤬 and anyone who says one wrong thing right now in conversation, text, email is your next target 🎯 to go off and vent

Your amygdala is fired up and ready to unleash - your sympathetic nervous system is activated and on fire 🔥 and you are thinking about choosing the fight response. 

Choice .....

If you want to choose a different direction and get back to calm you can take some deep breaths - look around, name three things you can see, two things you can hear, one thing you can feel —- a few more deep breaths with a slow exhale, you can calm yourself and get your parasympathetic system back online to rest and digest and grounded in the present (it is a true gift).

When you finally get yourself to calm and if and when you pause (paws 🐾😌🐾) to reflect, that is when it hits you —— the person you are really mad at is YOU! Isn’t it the worst??? Have you ever had that, noticed that, observed that?

Often, who we are mad at is ourselves! Why did I do it that way, why did I say that, how could have I been so wrong, why did I let them rope me in again—- the list goes on and on. 

When we are mad at someone else — it is “their” fault, when we are mad at ourselves, it is “our fault”.

Now, let’s stop 🛑 and flip this thing around.

Actually, when we are mad at someone else that is disempowering — we have no control over what someone does or says or doesn’t do or say. ZERO control aka disempowered!

When we are mad at ourselves — good news 🗞️ We can control that! 

We can reflect, consider why we are mad at ourselves - we can give ourselves compassion and grace and choose kindness and acceptance. We can learn from our thoughts, behaviors, beliefs and actions. We can choose to shift them. We can be empowered!!!

And then the real shift comes when and if we are mad at someone else - we can choose those same reactions with someone else - we can choose compassion, kindness, empathy for those who we are mad at — empowered !!!

Buddha says that “ anger is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die” —- consider ditching the poison ☠️ and grabbing some peace ☮️ and harmony 🎶

Consider choosing connection with yourself: 

Compassion

Supporting 

Forgiveness 

Kindness 

Love ❤️ 

With love ❤️ and light 💡 

Small Steps Big Things 

If you are interested in some more info or a custom curated coaching session, please reach out at 

Smallstepsbigthings.com or email us at info@smallstepsbigthings.com 

Does it Really Matter

More and More I try to ask myself this question?

Does it really matter????

This can apply to so may things in life especially when it seems like things are happening to me and not for me 

An argument

A difference in opinion

A change wanted or unwanted 

How much time do we want to invest in ruminating, agitating, arguing over something that in the long run, most likely does not even matter!!!

How many things really are that important to put our stake in the ground?

Our health, sanity, relationships with others/ourselves, etc at risk?

The truth is so many things (although it may not seem like it at the time) are happening for us not to us

If that is true, then now what???

Take some deep breaths, sit quietly and reflect 

Does this matter?

Is this really going to make a difference?

Is it true?

Maybe it is? Maybe it isn’t?

Consider seeing it from a different vantage point 

What is happening? What could this be teaching me? What lessons could I or others be learning? What (despite the level of pain, confusion or suffering that may be included) is the flip side of this?

I am certainly not saying that some situations are not horrible or even horrific, devastating or tragic. I am certainly not minimizing anyones feelings or suffering.

I am saying that many things we work ourselves up about are not (in the long run) worth the energy or effort that we give to it.

I am saying that even things that show up that are awful can have a deeper meaning when we are ready to see it, learn it or share it 

For the things that we have determined are not worth the energy and are more ego than substance;

Show up, step into it, take the reigns and be the victor and not the victim (no judgment, guilty of victim hood plenty of times)

For the things that are devastating, tragic, heartbreaking 

Take time, feel the feelings, be gentle with yourself and others, be compassionate  and be kind and let the grieving process happen in its natural way 

Be kind, be compassionate, be gentle, carry a forgiving heart with yourselves and others 

Take some steps back and assess what is really going on and how can I best show up in this situation 

With much love ❤️ and light 💡 

Thank you for visiting,

Small Steps, Big Things