Anger - Friend or Foe? Disempowered to Empowered

 You feel it - that unsettled and angry feeling — the WTF 🤬 and anyone who says one wrong thing right now in conversation, text, email is your next target 🎯 to go off and vent

Your amygdala is fired up and ready to unleash - your sympathetic nervous system is activated and on fire 🔥 and you are thinking about choosing the fight response. 

Choice .....

If you want to choose a different direction and get back to calm you can take some deep breaths - look around, name three things you can see, two things you can hear, one thing you can feel —- a few more deep breaths with a slow exhale, you can calm yourself and get your parasympathetic system back online to rest and digest and grounded in the present (it is a true gift).

When you finally get yourself to calm and if and when you pause (paws 🐾😌🐾) to reflect, that is when it hits you —— the person you are really mad at is YOU! Isn’t it the worst??? Have you ever had that, noticed that, observed that?

Often, who we are mad at is ourselves! Why did I do it that way, why did I say that, how could have I been so wrong, why did I let them rope me in again—- the list goes on and on. 

When we are mad at someone else — it is “their” fault, when we are mad at ourselves, it is “our fault”.

Now, let’s stop 🛑 and flip this thing around.

Actually, when we are mad at someone else that is disempowering — we have no control over what someone does or says or doesn’t do or say. ZERO control aka disempowered!

When we are mad at ourselves — good news 🗞️ We can control that! 

We can reflect, consider why we are mad at ourselves - we can give ourselves compassion and grace and choose kindness and acceptance. We can learn from our thoughts, behaviors, beliefs and actions. We can choose to shift them. We can be empowered!!!

And then the real shift comes when and if we are mad at someone else - we can choose those same reactions with someone else - we can choose compassion, kindness, empathy for those who we are mad at — empowered !!!

Buddha says that “ anger is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die” —- consider ditching the poison ☠️ and grabbing some peace ☮️ and harmony 🎶

Consider choosing connection with yourself: 

Compassion

Supporting 

Forgiveness 

Kindness 

Love ❤️ 

With love ❤️ and light 💡 

Small Steps Big Things 

If you are interested in some more info or a custom curated coaching session, please reach out at 

Smallstepsbigthings.com or email us at info@smallstepsbigthings.com 

Until you decide, nothing will happen

And that is both ok and not ok depending on where you are at right now 

Sometimes the timing is not right or the circumstances and when that is the case, consider affording yourself the time, grace and compassion. Whatever you do please do not pile on yourself with blame, shame, judgement, self criticism— no one wins 🏆in that game 🧩

If it is not sitting well with you that you have not made a decision - what is standing in the way?

Have you gotten to your why?

Is the decision too big and needs to be broken down?

Is a decision where you feel pulled or pushed?

If pushed — perhaps in the current container it needs to be modified, tweaked or put on hold for now.

If pulled — let’s figure out what the hold up is? 

There are many reasons and I am willing to bet most of them can be overcome. 

(If you want more in that perhaps visit the previous post “What are you waiting for?” Posted on 9/3/24)

What I do know is that one has to decide! 

Once the decision has been made it is amazing how resourceful we become and how opportunities to receive and guide us open up ⬆️ 

What is the decision?

Is it pull or push?

Consider starting with that and go from there.

If you are stuck on the decision or the next step:

If you would like a thought partner 💭 to explore your gifts, or reasons why and help be a guide to get you to your next step please reach out. 

The first call 📞 is free 🆓 the outcome can be priceless ⭐️🌟⭐️⬇️

Info@smallstepsbigthings.com 

Smallstepsbigthings.com 

Does it Really Matter

More and More I try to ask myself this question?

Does it really matter????

This can apply to so may things in life especially when it seems like things are happening to me and not for me 

An argument

A difference in opinion

A change wanted or unwanted 

How much time do we want to invest in ruminating, agitating, arguing over something that in the long run, most likely does not even matter!!!

How many things really are that important to put our stake in the ground?

Our health, sanity, relationships with others/ourselves, etc at risk?

The truth is so many things (although it may not seem like it at the time) are happening for us not to us

If that is true, then now what???

Take some deep breaths, sit quietly and reflect 

Does this matter?

Is this really going to make a difference?

Is it true?

Maybe it is? Maybe it isn’t?

Consider seeing it from a different vantage point 

What is happening? What could this be teaching me? What lessons could I or others be learning? What (despite the level of pain, confusion or suffering that may be included) is the flip side of this?

I am certainly not saying that some situations are not horrible or even horrific, devastating or tragic. I am certainly not minimizing anyones feelings or suffering.

I am saying that many things we work ourselves up about are not (in the long run) worth the energy or effort that we give to it.

I am saying that even things that show up that are awful can have a deeper meaning when we are ready to see it, learn it or share it 

For the things that we have determined are not worth the energy and are more ego than substance;

Show up, step into it, take the reigns and be the victor and not the victim (no judgment, guilty of victim hood plenty of times)

For the things that are devastating, tragic, heartbreaking 

Take time, feel the feelings, be gentle with yourself and others, be compassionate  and be kind and let the grieving process happen in its natural way 

Be kind, be compassionate, be gentle, carry a forgiving heart with yourselves and others 

Take some steps back and assess what is really going on and how can I best show up in this situation 

With much love ❤️ and light 💡 

Thank you for visiting,

Small Steps, Big Things 

Let them Pass Through

Thoughts and feeling are often strange visitors that can seem to speak in a foreign tongue. 😛 

What I have learned over the years is that for me, to stay in a preferable emotional state I need to invite them in, acknowledge, thank them for visiting and then let them be on there merry way.

They are visitors who bring information to be observed and acknowledged — sometimes the information is such that I want to get curious about it and some of it might be true and some maybe not so true. Whatever the case, if I don’t greet it, observe it and thank, it will usually hide away in a dark closet somewhere and will keep coming back until I let it through (“You cannot ignore me Dan” as so eloquently put by Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction 🐇)

Our 🧠 brains, bodies  and nervous systems are quite amazing really. 

I have learned (the hard way I might add, which is how I often learn😊)

Is that it is important to get still and listen 👂 to this miraculous GPS system we each have within us. To honor it and be kind, compassionate and caring. To love it without judgement and respect the wonder and awe that is within each of us.

We all are such remarkable creatures and are learning, unlearning and growing along the way. Consider honoring and inviting all the thoughts and feelings into your house and let them share their information and pass through.

With love ❤️ and light 💡 

Thank you for reading,

Small Steps, Big Things 

Just “Be” 🐝🐝🐝

 Living in the Now — you hear it all the time. Like many things, it is often easier said than done.

That being said, it is one thing you can control and do right now to soothe your soul!!! 🫂

I know for me, I often need to soothe my soul.  We all have so much going on in life some things seemingly good, some seemingly not so good (these things are all relative and in the eye of the beholder)

We can let our minds run away with worrying about the things that have not happened and quite frankly may never happen or the things that have already happened of which we cannot change — both these scenarios are out of our control — unless you have magical powers and if that is the case please use them for good :-)

The point is, if we can learn and teach ourselves to rewire and to just “Be”.🐝

Be in the moment, Be ourselves, Be curious about what is going on right now, Be open to all the possibilities, the environment or people around us in this moment without judgement or attachment and just observation and curiosity — that is a magical power that has the ability to let our systems relax, rewire and regulate themselves right now.

This is just my thought of the day — take it or leave it (I know some circumstances and situations might be much more dire and horrific of which this certainly may not apply).

Many things — the day to day challenges that we can often make worse with our current mindset —time  travel back or forward — can be remediated by living in the present moment, giving our mind, body and soul respite by letting ourselves “Be” exactly who were are, as we are, with exactly what we need right in this moment.

With Much Light 💡 and Love 💕 

Small Steps Big Things 

It’s Not Personal

 Don’t you hate hearing that?  It is not personal? It is to me !!!

Truth be told, most of the time, it actually is not personal

Wait, wait, wait….hear me out

Most of the time people are just acting and reacting from their own programming, conditioning, agenda, projections, etc

It is usually not about you and all about them.  Their thoughts, their ideas, their perceptions, their misunderstandings or understandings 

Most of us are just trying to do the best we can with the tools we have at the time 

Some of us are more equipped than others and have more tools

We cannot control how other people think, react or act

The ONLY thing we can control is how we act, react and choose to think. (PERIOD)

Trying to change someone and their thoughts is futile (no judgment, been there and done that)

If someone chooses to change their thoughts, actions and reactions that can happen. Spending our time, emotions and energy trying to do that for someone is an exercise in futility 

Know this my sweet, wonderful and amazing soul: you are perfect just the way you are and always have the ability to get better, do better, think better, if that is your choice.  

Taking responsibility and ownership for your parts of any situation and improving how you may handle this or something next time is the best you can do 

We are all learning as we go. 

By staying open, curious and listen without judgment to ourselves and others, that my friend, is a step forward and helps depersonalize what often may feel personal 🙂

The Thing About Being Stuck

The truth is you often know what you should do however sometimes if you are at a point where you are stuck and overwhelmed even the best advice just seems like more of a pile on then help

All you really want to do is crawl in a hole or binge watch under the covers or both :-)

As they say, btw, I can’t wait to meet “they” some day :-)

“The only way out is Through”

One way through is to give yourself permission to do a bit of a recoil, allow yourself to feel and decompress and then, commit to one step 

One small step that represents some sort of action 

It can be as small as brushing your teeth, answering an email, preparing a meal, walking outside   —- something that produces some kinetic energy ( a body in motion tend to stay in motion)

Then build off of that 

Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would someone else 

Remember we often take two steps back to take one forward 

Stay curious and open without judgment, let go and let the journey flow 

Everything that needs to get done will get done in it’s time by taking one small step at a time 

Or ….get some goo be gone and put it under your feet 👣 😹👣 

With love much love 💕 and light 💡