Anger - Friend or Foe? Disempowered to Empowered

 You feel it - that unsettled and angry feeling — the WTF 🤬 and anyone who says one wrong thing right now in conversation, text, email is your next target 🎯 to go off and vent

Your amygdala is fired up and ready to unleash - your sympathetic nervous system is activated and on fire 🔥 and you are thinking about choosing the fight response. 

Choice .....

If you want to choose a different direction and get back to calm you can take some deep breaths - look around, name three things you can see, two things you can hear, one thing you can feel —- a few more deep breaths with a slow exhale, you can calm yourself and get your parasympathetic system back online to rest and digest and grounded in the present (it is a true gift).

When you finally get yourself to calm and if and when you pause (paws 🐾😌🐾) to reflect, that is when it hits you —— the person you are really mad at is YOU! Isn’t it the worst??? Have you ever had that, noticed that, observed that?

Often, who we are mad at is ourselves! Why did I do it that way, why did I say that, how could have I been so wrong, why did I let them rope me in again—- the list goes on and on. 

When we are mad at someone else — it is “their” fault, when we are mad at ourselves, it is “our fault”.

Now, let’s stop 🛑 and flip this thing around.

Actually, when we are mad at someone else that is disempowering — we have no control over what someone does or says or doesn’t do or say. ZERO control aka disempowered!

When we are mad at ourselves — good news 🗞️ We can control that! 

We can reflect, consider why we are mad at ourselves - we can give ourselves compassion and grace and choose kindness and acceptance. We can learn from our thoughts, behaviors, beliefs and actions. We can choose to shift them. We can be empowered!!!

And then the real shift comes when and if we are mad at someone else - we can choose those same reactions with someone else - we can choose compassion, kindness, empathy for those who we are mad at — empowered !!!

Buddha says that “ anger is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die” —- consider ditching the poison ☠️ and grabbing some peace ☮️ and harmony 🎶

Consider choosing connection with yourself: 

Compassion

Supporting 

Forgiveness 

Kindness 

Love ❤️ 

With love ❤️ and light 💡 

Small Steps Big Things 

If you are interested in some more info or a custom curated coaching session, please reach out at 

Smallstepsbigthings.com or email us at info@smallstepsbigthings.com 

Until you decide, nothing will happen

And that is both ok and not ok depending on where you are at right now 

Sometimes the timing is not right or the circumstances and when that is the case, consider affording yourself the time, grace and compassion. Whatever you do please do not pile on yourself with blame, shame, judgement, self criticism— no one wins 🏆in that game 🧩

If it is not sitting well with you that you have not made a decision - what is standing in the way?

Have you gotten to your why?

Is the decision too big and needs to be broken down?

Is a decision where you feel pulled or pushed?

If pushed — perhaps in the current container it needs to be modified, tweaked or put on hold for now.

If pulled — let’s figure out what the hold up is? 

There are many reasons and I am willing to bet most of them can be overcome. 

(If you want more in that perhaps visit the previous post “What are you waiting for?” Posted on 9/3/24)

What I do know is that one has to decide! 

Once the decision has been made it is amazing how resourceful we become and how opportunities to receive and guide us open up ⬆️ 

What is the decision?

Is it pull or push?

Consider starting with that and go from there.

If you are stuck on the decision or the next step:

If you would like a thought partner 💭 to explore your gifts, or reasons why and help be a guide to get you to your next step please reach out. 

The first call 📞 is free 🆓 the outcome can be priceless ⭐️🌟⭐️⬇️

Info@smallstepsbigthings.com 

Smallstepsbigthings.com 

Does it Really Matter

More and More I try to ask myself this question?

Does it really matter????

This can apply to so may things in life especially when it seems like things are happening to me and not for me 

An argument

A difference in opinion

A change wanted or unwanted 

How much time do we want to invest in ruminating, agitating, arguing over something that in the long run, most likely does not even matter!!!

How many things really are that important to put our stake in the ground?

Our health, sanity, relationships with others/ourselves, etc at risk?

The truth is so many things (although it may not seem like it at the time) are happening for us not to us

If that is true, then now what???

Take some deep breaths, sit quietly and reflect 

Does this matter?

Is this really going to make a difference?

Is it true?

Maybe it is? Maybe it isn’t?

Consider seeing it from a different vantage point 

What is happening? What could this be teaching me? What lessons could I or others be learning? What (despite the level of pain, confusion or suffering that may be included) is the flip side of this?

I am certainly not saying that some situations are not horrible or even horrific, devastating or tragic. I am certainly not minimizing anyones feelings or suffering.

I am saying that many things we work ourselves up about are not (in the long run) worth the energy or effort that we give to it.

I am saying that even things that show up that are awful can have a deeper meaning when we are ready to see it, learn it or share it 

For the things that we have determined are not worth the energy and are more ego than substance;

Show up, step into it, take the reigns and be the victor and not the victim (no judgment, guilty of victim hood plenty of times)

For the things that are devastating, tragic, heartbreaking 

Take time, feel the feelings, be gentle with yourself and others, be compassionate  and be kind and let the grieving process happen in its natural way 

Be kind, be compassionate, be gentle, carry a forgiving heart with yourselves and others 

Take some steps back and assess what is really going on and how can I best show up in this situation 

With much love ❤️ and light 💡 

Thank you for visiting,

Small Steps, Big Things 

Let them Pass Through

Thoughts and feeling are often strange visitors that can seem to speak in a foreign tongue. 😛 

What I have learned over the years is that for me, to stay in a preferable emotional state I need to invite them in, acknowledge, thank them for visiting and then let them be on there merry way.

They are visitors who bring information to be observed and acknowledged — sometimes the information is such that I want to get curious about it and some of it might be true and some maybe not so true. Whatever the case, if I don’t greet it, observe it and thank, it will usually hide away in a dark closet somewhere and will keep coming back until I let it through (“You cannot ignore me Dan” as so eloquently put by Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction 🐇)

Our 🧠 brains, bodies  and nervous systems are quite amazing really. 

I have learned (the hard way I might add, which is how I often learn😊)

Is that it is important to get still and listen 👂 to this miraculous GPS system we each have within us. To honor it and be kind, compassionate and caring. To love it without judgement and respect the wonder and awe that is within each of us.

We all are such remarkable creatures and are learning, unlearning and growing along the way. Consider honoring and inviting all the thoughts and feelings into your house and let them share their information and pass through.

With love ❤️ and light 💡 

Thank you for reading,

Small Steps, Big Things 

Just “Be” 🐝🐝🐝

 Living in the Now — you hear it all the time. Like many things, it is often easier said than done.

That being said, it is one thing you can control and do right now to soothe your soul!!! 🫂

I know for me, I often need to soothe my soul.  We all have so much going on in life some things seemingly good, some seemingly not so good (these things are all relative and in the eye of the beholder)

We can let our minds run away with worrying about the things that have not happened and quite frankly may never happen or the things that have already happened of which we cannot change — both these scenarios are out of our control — unless you have magical powers and if that is the case please use them for good :-)

The point is, if we can learn and teach ourselves to rewire and to just “Be”.🐝

Be in the moment, Be ourselves, Be curious about what is going on right now, Be open to all the possibilities, the environment or people around us in this moment without judgement or attachment and just observation and curiosity — that is a magical power that has the ability to let our systems relax, rewire and regulate themselves right now.

This is just my thought of the day — take it or leave it (I know some circumstances and situations might be much more dire and horrific of which this certainly may not apply).

Many things — the day to day challenges that we can often make worse with our current mindset —time  travel back or forward — can be remediated by living in the present moment, giving our mind, body and soul respite by letting ourselves “Be” exactly who were are, as we are, with exactly what we need right in this moment.

With Much Light 💡 and Love 💕 

Small Steps Big Things 

It’s Not Personal

 Don’t you hate hearing that?  It is not personal? It is to me !!!

Truth be told, most of the time, it actually is not personal

Wait, wait, wait….hear me out

Most of the time people are just acting and reacting from their own programming, conditioning, agenda, projections, etc

It is usually not about you and all about them.  Their thoughts, their ideas, their perceptions, their misunderstandings or understandings 

Most of us are just trying to do the best we can with the tools we have at the time 

Some of us are more equipped than others and have more tools

We cannot control how other people think, react or act

The ONLY thing we can control is how we act, react and choose to think. (PERIOD)

Trying to change someone and their thoughts is futile (no judgment, been there and done that)

If someone chooses to change their thoughts, actions and reactions that can happen. Spending our time, emotions and energy trying to do that for someone is an exercise in futility 

Know this my sweet, wonderful and amazing soul: you are perfect just the way you are and always have the ability to get better, do better, think better, if that is your choice.  

Taking responsibility and ownership for your parts of any situation and improving how you may handle this or something next time is the best you can do 

We are all learning as we go. 

By staying open, curious and listen without judgment to ourselves and others, that my friend, is a step forward and helps depersonalize what often may feel personal 🙂

The Thing About Being Stuck

The truth is you often know what you should do however sometimes if you are at a point where you are stuck and overwhelmed even the best advice just seems like more of a pile on then help

All you really want to do is crawl in a hole or binge watch under the covers or both :-)

As they say, btw, I can’t wait to meet “they” some day :-)

“The only way out is Through”

One way through is to give yourself permission to do a bit of a recoil, allow yourself to feel and decompress and then, commit to one step 

One small step that represents some sort of action 

It can be as small as brushing your teeth, answering an email, preparing a meal, walking outside   —- something that produces some kinetic energy ( a body in motion tend to stay in motion)

Then build off of that 

Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would someone else 

Remember we often take two steps back to take one forward 

Stay curious and open without judgment, let go and let the journey flow 

Everything that needs to get done will get done in it’s time by taking one small step at a time 

Or ….get some goo be gone and put it under your feet 👣 😹👣 

With love much love 💕 and light 💡 

Let it Out 🗣

It has to go somewhere 

You can stuff your emotions down to the very bottom of your soul

However somewhere, somehow and usually when you are least expecting it, they will show themselves and not always in the best way 😕

I have been a master at stuffing my emotions, thoughts, feelings, you name it

All in the name of keeping the peace ☮️

How much peace is there really? How much peace do you actually feel?

I am certainly not suggesting letting it go, or out on someone with no filter.... 

I am suggesting finding ways to vent, release, explore and be heard in a way that will bridge, not tear down 🌁

If you don’t honor yourself you are doing a huge disservice to you and everyone around you 

Take time for yourself, be compassionate to yourself

Release write, draw, paint, run, create……..do something that allows you to express yourself 

When you can, if you choose to

Find a way to have a kind, compassionate, open conversation to bridge the gap, be heard, be seen and understood  👀🙉👀

If you do not see yourself, hear yourself or understand yourself first, it is going to be very hard for anyone else to.

Connect to your inner child and ask what they want, what they need (a hug? to be told they are loved? stand up for them?)

Let your emotions and feelings out and let them flow in a productive and positive way 

Be seen, be heard, be understood 🗣

👁 👀 U

Thoughts 💭❓

Doggslife.com

Smallstepsbigthings.com 

Who Are You Really Mad At❓

I have noticed lately that I am carrying around quite a bit of anger 😡

I of course, maybe like you, carry it inside.  

I don’t typically express my anger.  

It just sits below the surface, seething and looming and pops out in ways that don’t serve anyone.  

I try and repress it and or don’t even know it is there until I really sit and observe quietly.  

Usually my anger shows up in frustration, apathy, sadness or depression.  

When I am able to sit quietly without judgement for myself or others, I most often realize the person or thing I am angry at is MYSELF.

It is tough to be angry at yourself because the buck stops here :-0 

It is a self inflicted wound that could have been prevented (presumably)

I ultimately get angry at myself for allowing my boundaries that I so carefully have tried to construct (this of course took decades to do) 

get completely obliterated!

Saying yes to things I should say NO 🚫to 

Not speaking up or speaking out 🗣

Doing things for other peoples comfort or benefit and ignoring or minimizing the impact it will have on me or my loved ones 💕

Falling into old patterns

Falling out of new more healthy patterns😔

Failing to utilize all of the learning and lessons that have been taught to me the last couple of years 📚

The list goes on ✍️

Yes, angry at myself!!!

Now what ❓❓❓

Now, I need to forgive myself and find compassion for myself

Perhaps these are just continued layers of the journey of life 

to love myself just the way I am and know that there is always more to learn along the way and consistently work to get better

Be open, be curious, observe without judgment & with much compassion my thoughts, my patterns and my actions 

Acceptance and Forgiveness of myself, for myself so that I can show up in a better way for me and everyone around me 

That is my action step for today.

What is yours?  What are your thoughts 💭❓

Would love to read📖/hear👂 them 

Doggslife.com

Smallstepsbigthings.com 

Acceptance is a Gift 💝

Ahhhhh denial, it is a fun place to visit but not a great place to live.

Acceptance is certainly by no means an easy destination to travel to 🚙

First of all, there is usually not a clear roadmap 🧭 and defiantly no app with GPS that will easily guide us there, letting us know the best route, where the traffic is and perhaps where to stop and take breaks along the way…… I am sure that this app is in the works and maybe it is here and I do not know it. If it is, please let me know 😌

Acceptance is one of those road trips where you have to let go, sometimes meander, pay attention to the signs 🪧 and your surroundings and let the destination find you at the right time. It cannot be forced or pre planned.

It is a journey that will not be in a comfy first class airline seat ✈️ or high end luxury vehicle 🏎 and you cannot source it out to a Lyft or Uber to take you there. 

This journey is one that needs to be done step by step 🪜 one day or one minute at a time. You don’t get to pack, so you will need to muster up all the resilience, adaptability, and support you can along the way. It will be very uncomfortable, you often won’t recognize the beautiful spots along the way. At points this journey may be disheartening and darn right tortuous.

I do assure you though, once you arrive and you WILL ARRIVE, your SUFFERING will end and PEACE ☮️ will be restored. You will look back and see the journey in a whole new light 💡 It will be one of knowing, clarity and wisdom that will change your soul and your life forever. If I could tell you the who, what, why, where, when and the how I would as It crushes me to see people suffer………actually, I would not tell you. This journey is yours to be taken and in the end will be your gift 💝 …..your gift to yourself.I know, I know, you think I am being sadistic. The gift will be the metamorphic change that you will experience and your gift to others if you choose to share it. Share what you have learned and help those along the way find a little comfort knowing that they too can and will get to the other side and reach their destination .

Small steps 🐾 my friends, let people help along the way, use your resources, have faith in yourself, others and if you believe in a higher power have faith in your higher power. Be open and adaptable, have compassion for yourself and the situation/person and buckle up……..you will get to BIG THINGS.

I send you so much 💕 and 💡 

Would love to hear your stories of acceptance, thoughts or how you do acceptance :-). This is just my personal roadmap I thought I would share 

If looking for a quick pick me up check us out on Instagram @ Doggslife 

Overwhelm from ☹️ to 😊

 Overwhelm

They (all the sources that I read from) say anxiety is worrying about future events that haven’t happened yet ...if I reflect, I would say that is true...so now what????

I was talking to my sister and we were discussing what to do with all of the things in our parents house when they are both no longer here with us on earth 🌎..... she said “we will start room by room”

Now you would think from someone who writes a blog called small steps big things that this would be obvious!!! Right???

I think it just goes to show, when you are in your own problem, suffering, anxious or are navigating certain circumstances .....collaborating and having more than one set of eyes on the issue at hand can be revolutionary, liberating and eye opening!!!

I share this because that one suggestion really help put my mind at ease ....Yes!!! I can do one room at a time ...more importantly, 

We can do one room at a time, take time doing it and work together in a team 😊🥳😊

Let’s face it, life is challenging, especially when we try to take things on all by ourselves, live in our heads and try and tackle everything at once.

I love you sis and am grateful for you and our relationship.

I hope this helps put someone else’s mind at ease

Take small steps so you too can achieve big things!!!!

Xoxo

Two Steps Back or Perhaps Just Pruning for a New Season

This weekend I noticed quite a few mixed and conflicting feelings. I started to feel as though I had taken so many steps backward when I thought I was moving forward??? This felt distressing.

I decided to sit back, breath and observe the thoughts without judgement and let them pass through.  

Instead of fighting them as I normally might have done in the past.

Low and behold, although uncomfortable in the moment, I found myself up and moving much faster by this process and simply acknowledgement of how I felt.

Felt the feelings, let them pass through and then made a small step to get up and do some light tidying to clear my brain, which led to some writing and working out and I was well on my way :):):)

Today when I was doing my Yoga, I looked outside and thought about yesterday and the feeling of two steps back and realized maybe we are much like plants in a garden and just need to be pruned once in a while so we can be prepared to grow even fuller and more lush for the next season :)

Small Steps, Big Things 

Be patient and compassionate with yourself 

Xoxo

All In !!!

 

I am always talking about small steps and big things....well, I just took the big step!!! 

After years of taking small steps, working on infrastructure and branding and all the things in between :). I am thrilled and excited to have finally re launched my passion project Doggslife.com

It is funny how we work and work and pontificate along the way.  Sometimes it seems like we are taking steps forward and sometimes backwards. Often we question, what the heck are we doing anyway???

As I look upon this momentous day for me, it might seem like this was all done over a small time frame. As I look back to my vision, my plan, the learning/educating, collaborations and all the small steps along the way...that is the work that makes it happen.  There is the one thing today though that sets it apart ...that is the LEAP.... jumping all in and going for it!!!

I know there will be mistakes, more changes and evolution. Today I am going to bask in the excitement of making dreams reality.

If you would like to check out my dream go to Doggslife.com :):):)

What is your dream???

You Won!

You won!  Those two magic words.... or are they???

What if I was never at war with you?  Who really wins anyway and what is winning?

What if we both could win and be on the same team?

Winning is such an arbitrary and subjective word.

Wouldn’t it be better if we could all just take a step back, breathe and figure out what we are all looking for and find a way where we can meet in the middle and all get our needs met?

If we are being honest, aren’t we all just looking to be heard, understood and loved and valued for who we are?

The truth is, it is probably easier to have knee jerk reactions, stand by and defend our long held beliefs and convictions then to take the time to listen, absorb, educate, look at all points of view and then formulate a reaction, plan or stance.

Those things all take time, patience, an open mind and willingness to maybe even be and admit being wrong.........wait whaaattttttt???? Yup, I said it ....there is a possibility that you are wrong! 

Would you be surprised to know that when you are wrong you can actually be right? 

If you are willing to be wrong, you might just find there is a better way, a new idea, belief, thought process that is better than what you previously thought.

All that being said, a first step the next time you find yourself wanting to “win” a disagreement is:

Stop (imagine the person as their child self ...it is hard to be mad at a child)

Don’t React 

Listen

And see if there are more similarities than differences, or maybe what someone is saying actually makes sense. You may just find you are on the same side and fighting for the same things ...they are just wrapped in difference packages:)

I dare you :)

Take the first step, you might find yourself pleasantly surprised and that everyone ‘Wins”

XOXO

Things Will Happen - Control is an Illusion

No matter how hard you try and be the architect of your life, things will happen.  That is life....nothing new there.  As hopefully most of you are acutely aware, we cannot control everything ..... whatttttt?????

By the way Kudos to you if you have figured it out already ... it took me many decades on this planet to learn that.

Yup, hard as we try, we are not in the drivers seat of this wonderful journey we call life.  We cannot control others thoughts, emotions, choices, beliefs, ideas, etcetera...... we cannot even control many of the things that happen in our own life despite our many attempts at trying.

What we can control is how we respond, react and choose to show up.  Those things are under our control.

When life throws you a curve ball, you can resist, wonder why, wonder how and so on, generally that does not help the issue at hand.  Time and time again I have learned the sooner I give in re evaluate and readjust the sooner that gnawing, burning, frustrating feeling in my gut disappears and peace reappears. 

The older I get the more I value peace as my resting state.

I admit, some days are easier than others to give in ....... those are the days when my choices are more wise :-). PS. Giving in does not mean giving up by any stretch.  It means maybe it is time to stop fighting reality and find a better way and figure out what is truly important and how to best honor that.

As usual it is the small steps in shifting your mindset that will lead to bigger things :):):)

Maybe Good Enough is Enough

How many times do we put things off until we can get it right, do it right, not make a mistake....and so on and so on.  We torture ourselves over the minutia and the procrastination, the overwhelm that can just lead to apathy and then nothing happens :(

What if good enough is enough??? What if just taking one step towards doing one thing on that project your putting off or that task that needs to be done or that email you need to write??? 

What if you take one tiny step? If might not be the perfect step but it is the one that puts you in motion... it is the one that starts the process of kinetic energy. I am not sure why or how I remember that a body in motion stays in motion and a body at rest stays at rest....trust me I am no physicist ... I don’t even know if that is a principle of physics :-) If there was only a device I could quickly look that up on...oh yes there is and it is ...wow, I did learn something in school;):);)

What I do know is that once you start moving, it makes it much easier to continue to move and next thing you know you look back and accomplish something and it FEELS GREAT! 

Take this quick blog post today .... it started with one word, one concept and kept going until now.  It is not perfect but it is something.

So I ask you .... what is one step you could take?  You don’t know....if you did know, what would it be?

Take the step, I dare you .... then let us know what it was and we can celebrate together!!!!

Xoxo

Happy First Day of Spring

Grief

Grief is like a wave on the beach 

It washes in and out

Up and over

Sometimes tiny

Sometimes ominous

It flows through you and over you

It can be gone one minute

Roaring back the next 

Grief is the most painful reminder that you are alive 

It will knock you down to the studs and make you question the why 

It levels you 

Renders you speechless, motionless often without a will 

It is the one shared emotion that can bring us back together again because of the raw nature, the humility and the inequity of its presence 

The only way to get beyond the waves to the serenity of the calm is to go through them 

You can stay on the sandy beach and watch the serene calm on the other side but 

To really feel it, immerse in it, bathe in its tranquility 

Is to muster up the extreme courage 

Take a step in 

Feel the wave ..... its coldness, it’s inhumane nature, slapping you, hitting you knocking you down and often leaving you feeling like you don’t want to get back up

Trudge forward, plant your feet in the ground 

Take small steps 

Turn to the side if you have to

Duck under for a bit and swim

Feel it, take it on

Do what is takes to get to the other side

So you can again rejoice in the calm, the tranquil, the knowing 

Will there be other waves??? 

Probably

Each one you conquer will give you the ability to go through the next

Life is not easy, life can be very hard 

Life is not for the weak or faint of heart

But oh is it worth it 

Baby steps my friend 

They can get you through 

So you can make it to the end

Taking one day, one hour, one moment at a time

Accepting what is 

Appreciation and Gratitude for the moment that is now

Look up, look around, question, be curious, be open, be you 

Grief is cruel and it is unkind

You can and will get through this 

One step at a time 

I am here for you, to hold your hand 

To walk side by side

Together we can

Take each wave

As it comes

We can sit in silence or talk it out

Whatever you need is what this is about